Friday, April 27, 2012

The Unethical Playdate


When you go on playdates with people you meet though school, the park or a new class you bring muffins and coffee.

When you go on playdates with your old sorority sisters you bring…vodka.

My husband happened to be home while I was packing up.  He watched me grab the sippy cups, the diapers, the wipes and…the goods...

"Oh! I forgot to grab something..."

“Yeah. Cause no playdate is complete without the handle of vodka.  Have fun, hun.”

Oh, we will. 

There happens to be this one brand of apple flavored vodka that we had a few weeks ago and have been unable to locate since.  I own the last remnants of that bottle.  It’s a very important job bringing this deliciousness to and from our gatherings. This is how we stay sane through all of the “He took my Thomas train!” and “I wanted to use the potty first!”

So there I was, ready to depart.  I had my kids, my diaper bag and my alcohol. 

On the way to the car I ran into my sucky neighbors.  They waved to me and I waved back…with the vodka holding hand. They gave me a weird look.  She’s putting two toddlers into a car and brandishing a large bottle of alcohol.  What kind of mom is this? 

Um…the awesome kind!

They got into their hybrid and drove away.  Good thing they’re moving out in a few days…less time to judge me. 

We got to the playdate and poured the drinks…I mean…let the kids play.  But, mostly, poured the drinks. 

The whole allure of this get together was that the Easter Bunny had recently given our friends a bouncy house.  (Which, actually, kicks the ass of our Easter Bunny who gave my kids jelly beans and bubbles.)

The kids LOOOOOOVED the bouncy house! It was the best thing ever.

We sat there drinking our drinks and cracking up at our children.  My friend asked if I wanted another one and I said “No. One is enough.  We have to be going now.”

HA!

No, that didn’t happen.   I said yes.  So she went inside to concoct another round and I was in charge of the children.  I just kept counting them: 1, 2, 3, 4. I knew I had the right amount of kids: 1, 2, 3, 4.

Crap! The fan that was blowing air into the bouncy house had come unattached. The kids screamed as if one of their limbs had come unattached so I went to fix it.  It took me 30 seconds…

I stood up.  Counted the kids: 1,2,3…ummm…1,2,3….

I know I had more than that when I started.  At which point my friend came out of the house with our refreshed drinks and I had to tell her ”I think I lost your kid.”

Turns out her 1 year old was just casually playing in the street.  So…no harm done.  Also…that mother fucker is FAST!  Watch out for him.

In the end, it was a very fun, if not safe, playdate.  We’ll be sure to do it again next week. 

11 comments:

  1. OMG I wish I could attend THAT playgroup!!!!! There's a lot of pressure here to be perfect.

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    1. Perfect shmerfect. We go by the parenting motto "Everything is more fun when you include vodka!"

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  3. Just getting caught up on your blogs and I think I need to chat with Capozzi about that type of playdate! Sounds great ;)

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  4. I want to join your playdates!

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  5. See, this is why I don't do play dates! None of the ones I've been to before included vodka! If they broke out the vodka I'd be all in! I'd also be in the bounce house (I'd kick the kids out before I got in - safety first) because drunk bounce housing would really be the ultimate play date (for me) (obviously)!

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    1. We did breifly consider joining in the bouncing fun...but losing the kid was really a buzz kill so we weren't in the mood after that. Next time, there's always next time!

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