My life needs to be a reality show. I just think someone should be getting a kick
out of it…and it’s certainly not me.
Obviously it’s going to need a soundtrack so I’ve decided to
document my days through song. This was
harder than I thought. Apparently no one
has ever written a song called “I clean the kitchen as I drink my coffee” or “Why
the hell are you naked…again!”
Well here goes:
I wake in the morning.
The sun is shining in my bedroom, a new fresh day about to start. John Lennon’s “Imagine” is playing
softly in the background. Maybe I’ve
just woken from a nice dream. It’s a relaxing peaceful scene. Until the kids enter the picture. Then…you know you make me wanna...
”SHOUT”!
The Isley Brothers classic interrupts the scene. It’s BLARING. And not cause I’m drunk at a fun wedding. Cause I’m sober at my chaotic house and my kids are making me scream. As usual.
As I make my way downstairs I’m wondering “Who Let the
Dogs Out?” They’re barking and whining at the back door but there’s an epic
struggle for the green bowl taking place in the kitchen so no one is noticing.
The Baha Men should have written a sequel to that song
called “Who Let the Dogs IN”…cause someone’s gonna have to do that too.
I throw on the TV so I can go about my business cleaning,
changing diapers, breaking up fights, figuring out why on earth anyone would
want to dip their foot in their milk cup…
All of a sudden “The Hot Dog Song” starts
playing. I hate that song. It means I’ve run out of time…Mickey Mouse
Clubhouse is over and my children are coming for me.
Somewhere around 2 or 3 o’clock the tender voice of Marvin
Gaye can be heard singing “What’s Going On.”:
“Mother, mother, there’s too many of you crying.”
Yeah. Cause we all
just looked at the clock and realized how far away bedtime is.
More than once a day you’ll hear “Regulators” start
to play.
Nate Dog and Warren G have to regulate? Well so does
Mommy. I don’t care who spit water at
who first. Stop it. Mommy does not want to have to pop a cap in yo
ass…but I will.
As night falls, the kids go to bed and the scene in the
house shifts. There I sit with my
husband mindlessly watching some show we have on our DVR.
Cue “I Wanna Be Sedated” by The Ramones. Because…well…I do.
And that’s just the pilot episode.
Ha ha!!! I love this. I identify with the beginning and end of your day... "Imagine" and "I Wanna Be Sedated".
ReplyDeleteAlso somewhere in my day is, "That's Alright Mama" and "Welcome To The Jungle".
Thanks for the laughs!
Oh! Welcome to the Jungle! I totally dropped the ball on that one. That's a great one! lol! Thanks for reading =)
ReplyDeleteThank you for living up to your claim that you are funny (in your profile)! This post was great!
ReplyDelete(And I will come back and read more even though I am now singing the hot dog song and most likely will be for the rest of the night. Not cool. Not cool.)
Phew! Glad I met expectations. Now there a lot of pressure on my to continue to entertain...damn you!
ReplyDeleteSorry about the hot dog song...but it's stuck in my head all the time and I firmly believe that no one should have to suffer alone. Thanks for joining in my misery!!