My life needs to be a reality show. I just think someone should be getting a kick out of it…and it’s certainly not me.
Obviously it’s going to need a soundtrack so I’ve decided to document my days through song. This was harder than I thought. Apparently no one has ever written a song called “I clean the kitchen as I drink my coffee” or “Why the hell are you naked…again!”
Well here goes:
I wake in the morning. The sun is shining in my bedroom, a new fresh day about to start. John Lennon’s “Imagine” is playing softly in the background. Maybe I’ve just woken from a nice dream. It’s a relaxing peaceful scene. Until the kids enter the picture. Then…you know you make me wanna...
The Isley Brothers classic interrupts the scene. It’s BLARING. And not cause I’m drunk at a fun wedding. Cause I’m sober at my chaotic house and my kids are making me scream. As usual.
As I make my way downstairs I’m wondering “Who Let the Dogs Out?” They’re barking and whining at the back door but there’s an epic struggle for the green bowl taking place in the kitchen so no one is noticing.
The Baha Men should have written a sequel to that song called “Who Let the Dogs IN”…cause someone’s gonna have to do that too.
I throw on the TV so I can go about my business cleaning, changing diapers, breaking up fights, figuring out why on earth anyone would want to dip their foot in their milk cup…
All of a sudden “The Hot Dog Song” starts playing. I hate that song. It means I’ve run out of time…Mickey Mouse Clubhouse is over and my children are coming for me.
Somewhere around 2 or 3 o’clock the tender voice of Marvin Gaye can be heard singing “What’s Going On.”:
“Mother, mother, there’s too many of you crying.”
Yeah. Cause we all just looked at the clock and realized how far away bedtime is.
More than once a day you’ll hear “Regulators” start to play.
Nate Dog and Warren G have to regulate? Well so does Mommy. I don’t care who spit water at who first. Stop it. Mommy does not want to have to pop a cap in yo ass…but I will.
As night falls, the kids go to bed and the scene in the house shifts. There I sit with my husband mindlessly watching some show we have on our DVR.
Cue “I Wanna Be Sedated” by The Ramones. Because…well…I do.
And that’s just the pilot episode.