Thursday, April 12, 2012

Mom-Fessions Part 2

So turns out I have a lot more Mom-fessions than I originally thought.  The first installment had me admitting to things like letting the TV babysit and refusing to play Candy Land for the 94th time in a row. 

Here is the latest list of things I do as a mom that you won’t find in any “how-to” parenting manual:

Mom-Fession #7:  I don’t do crafts.

That’s what school is for. 

When Carter was little I used to take him to mom-and-me classes where they would do little crafty projects.  That was the extent of his exposure to art.  When the teacher handed him a glue stick he didn’t know what to do with it.  She may as well have handed him an algebra equation.   

When he figured out what you could do with that stick, his face lit up. You would think this thing held the secret to curing cancer, eliminating the national deficit and bringing about world peace...that's how happy he was to be holding it.

He now possessed the power to stick things to other things, and he intended to use it. His fire truck had no less than 13 wheels on it when he was finished. He just kept gluing them on.

Know how sometimes when a kid has overly controlling parents they grow up and rebel? Yeah, well, my kid isn't going to be out partying till all hours of the night...he's going to go off to college and sneak finger paints into his dorm room.

Mom-Fession #8: I let my kids listen to music with questionable lyrics.

I’m relatively sure that my 2 and 3 year old don’t know what shots of Patron are.  But I guess you never know.  If Carter goes to school and calls his teacher 'shorty' and asks her to 'drop it low' then I’ll start to be concerned.

For now, however, I think I’m safe. 

There’s one Jason Aldean song that he really likes that contains the line “Make all the drunk girls scream and shout”.  Carter sings that song at the top of his lungs but says “truck girls” instead.  Trucks.  It’s aaaaalll about trucks.

Mom-Fession #9: I’m the mom that signs up to bring chips and salsa to the class party.

I’m not baking cupcakes and I’m not decorating cookies to look like a pumpkin.  Period.

Chips and salsa take no effort and no forethought.  If it comes to the morning of the party and you JUST REMEMBERED that it’s even happening…chips and salsa, my friends, can be purchased the day of.  I know that pre-made cookies can also be the lazy mom’s way out.  But I feel like if you sign up for baked good everyone expects homemade.  No one expects chips and salsa from scratch. 

Today Carter’s school had a spring party.  Everything on the list was fruit.  I didn’t notice the sign-up sheet until it was too late.  My friend beat me to napkins.  BITCH!  I got stuck with watermelon.  I’ve vowed to be more observant in the future. 

Mom-Fession #10: I’ve put less effort into teaching Grant things than I did with Carter.

If you only have one kid you probably can’t relate to this.  In fact you’re probably too busy teaching your 1 year old to write his name to even be online reading this in the first place. 

When Carter was little I would sit on the floor for hours with books, puzzles, shapes etc.  Grant didn’t get that attention.  I didn’t do puzzles with him as much. He was lucky if we noticed he was eating a puzzle before he choked on it.

But the good thing about having an older child is you don’t have to stress about it.  They will do the schooling for you.  Grant knows all kinds of things that we didn’t teach him.  My husband and I would be absolutely shocked when he displayed any new knowledge. 

“Did you know Grant knew his colors?”

 “No.  Did you teach him that?” 

“No.  Must have been Carter.  That kid is really earning his keep these days huh?”

Second child syndrome abounds in our house.  But everyone seems to be doing just fine with that. 

That’s what I got for now.  I know at least some other mothers are guilty of these things as well.  Don’t worry, you’re in good company.  Well, you’re in my company.  And I think that’s good.  Some would probably disagree.  Like parenting experts, child therapists, pediatricians…..


  1. I love it!! Chips and second child syndrome rule my life!!

  2. lol..umm yeah I do many of those things as well! My 8 yr old daughter teaches her little brother so much. In face she is probably more capable of filling out a developmental checklist on him than I am. He's child #3!

  3. The truck girls?!?! I'm dying.