Wednesday, October 6, 2010

How Did You Get Into That!

Two year olds get into everything.

In fact, the CIA should hire toddlers as professional safe crackers. It would probably be really good for the national budget if we could pay our operatives in animal crackers and apple juice.

And contrary to what the manufacturers would have you believe, baby proofing paraphernalia does not make things as "baby proof" as one might like.

The words "baby proof" are an oxymoron.  It's like Santa for new parents.  They should say...

"Ok, new moms and dads!  Here are your baby proofing items! If you're really good parents your kids will never figure these out!"

Eventually you grow up and realize you were sold a load of crap.

Carter has figured out the trick to just about every latch, chain, knob or gate that we have installed in an effort to keep him safe...

OK, lets be honest, I installed these things more in an effort to not have my house ransacked on a daily basis.

Either way, neither objective is currently being reached.

When your child is on the move you have to secure places that you never even considered would be appealing to anyone.

What so great about the toilet?


The whole bathroom is one giant nightmare. When they get their grubby little paws on the toilet paper and unroll it...I actually can't even talk about it because I'm getting upset imagining myself re-rolling miles of TP.

Some things I'm OK screwing latches into. My $500 wine rack/bar? Not one of them.

The result of this decision is that I'll find Carter wandering around the house holding a deck of cards and a nip of scotch. Like he's a sixty year old man looking for a snifter and a good game of canasta.

The good news is that Grant probably can't do too much to surprise when he gets to this stage. Although I'm sure he'll try.

I can just see it now, the two of them sharing war stories...

"God Grant! What do you mean you only unrolled the toilet paper? In my day I used to take the entire roll and drop it right in the toilet. You heard me...RIGHT IN! And big deal you got into the Cheerios and ate a bunch. Did you dump the rest of the bag on the floor then and walk through them, tracking the dust around the house?  Didn't think so.  Dude, you're an amature."

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