Did You Even Taste That?

I think Carter has a sixth sense that lets him know when I am eating.

Honestly, its like his toddler superpower. No matter how quietly I open up that bag of cookies, no matter how softly I close the cabinet, no matter where in the house he is at the time...I turn around and he's standing there looking at me.

"You want a cookie, Carter?" (That's him offering himself a cookie.)

Damn it! "No, this is Mama's cookie."

Have you ever tried to explain to a two-year-old why you can have a cookie and he can't? Don't.

Its especially a pain in the morning when I'm trying to eat my cereal and do something important...like check my Facebook! We have a high top table and he'll actually climb right up my leg to reach my bowl. All the while he's proclaiming "That's Mama's cereal!" Yeah, it is. So back off, pal.

My husband and I used to cook together and then sit down and eat a nice meal while we talked about our day.

We still do this sometimes...at like 10 o'clock at night.

But the meal now takes place in front of the TV. And the conversation has been replaced by DVR'd episodes of 30 Rock and The Office. Occasionally we'll throw in a "Honey, did you feed the dogs?" Ya know, to keep the romance alive.

I used to think I was sneaky and smart...Carter has rid me of those ridiculous notions.

When he would ask me for a bite of something I would just give it to him thinking "Ha! There's no way he'll eat goat cheese and sun dried tomato pizza! He'll have one bite and then leave me alone!" I know you won't be shocked when I tell you he ate an entire slice.

When you become a parent you expect to learn new things. But speed eating is a surprising addition to my skill set.

When you have a screaming infant in the other room or a greedy toddler reaching for your plate you are eating for survival, not pleasure. Like, if I don't get this sandwich in my body in the next five seconds I may actually pass out...and then Carter will definitely get it and I don't want that to happen purely out of spite!

One morning Carter finished his Cheerios and asked for "A couple more?" When I told him they were all gone he gave me a dirty look and pointed at my bowl. So, like a good mother I had to...quickly finish my last spoon fulls and show him the empty bowl. See? All gone!

I'm sure a lot of mothers out there are appalled by the fact that I don't want to share with my child. Listen, I've given that kid enough. I let him live IN MY BODY for nine months. I actually think he owes ME a cookie or two!