Wednesday, September 12, 2012


When do kids start to understand seasons and weather? 

I can tell you this; it’s not 4 and 2.  Well, at least it isn’t for us.

I consider my kids to be smart (yeah, I’m THAT mom.  I also consider them to be assholes if that makes you feel better) so I just expect them to get things. 

The concept of temperature, however, completely baffles them.  And it results in some interesting battles around my house…

The first heat wave of the summer had me calling my husband and demanding asking him nicely if he please wouldn’t mind putting in the air conditioners before I came home from work so I wouldn’t have to kill him could then thank him for his hard work. 

He did. 

Well, apparently the kids didn’t share my feelings about wanting to be comfortable.  Their rooms were a balmy 900 degrees and yet they fought tooth and nail against the AC units. 

“I don’t want that.  What’s the noise it’s making?  I don’t like it, take that out.  Shut it off, WHY IS IT MAKING THAT NOISE?  Ahhhhhhh….grrrr….nooooo!”

I don’t understand.  Do you see that stuff dripping down your face?  You didn’t just take a shower, that’s called sweat.  It appears when it is God-awfully, life-threateningly hot out….like right now, for example. 

Add this unwillingness to partake in being cool to the fact that Carter MUST sleep with 27,000 blankets which shall be placed upon his body in precisely the right order (dark blue blanket, light blue blanket, colorful blanket, monkey blanket, train blanket and then the top blanket that doesn’t actually have name…you think I’m making this up?  I wish I were) and you could actually roast my child in his own bed.

After fighting with them for a while we finally got the ACs accepted.  Then we kissed them goodnight, turned out the lights and went to shut the door…

“Noooo!!!!  I don’t want my door shut!”

But how is the room gonna…if you don’t shut it…the cold air will…then you’ll still be hot…and…

No.  Not flying.  (See, I told you they were assholes.)

Fine.  Have your doors open.  Let’s just turn the ACs down to make up for it, waste energy and make sure the hallway stays nice and cool for the hours upon hours during which no one will be using it. 

We had to compromise on that one, which is why I stood my ground on the next battle.

“Mom, I want to wear these zip-up pajamas tonight.”

Oh yeah?  Those fleece ones?  The ones WITH THE FEET ATTACHED?  This would be a good time to teach you a thing or two about humidity.  You see, humidity coupled with those pajamas… will cause you TO BURN ALIVE!

I literally had to find all of his feetie pajamas and hide them.  I had to hide fleece clothing from my children in July.  I may be taking back the ‘I consider them smart’ comment from earlier…

I guess I missed this cozy little hat and scarf set when I hid the fleece things.  On this particular 87 degree day he was also sporting a sweatshirt...obviously.  His legs, however, clearly do not get chilly.  

So now it’s fall.  It was like 40 degrees the other night and my house is well known for being the actual coldest house in America.  Honestly, ask anyone.  So imagine my surprise when I put my kids to bed (in their fucking fleece pajamas) and Grant asked for his fan on.

“No, it’s cold.  It’s too cold for a fan.”

That, as you can guess, was not the right answer.  So fine then.  FINE.  Freeze for all I care, want your AC on too?  And the door closed? 

Back to my original question…when do kids start to understand seasons and weather?  Is it soon? Or do I just have to let them take their chances with heat stroke and frostbite? 


  1. I have to fight the urge to tell you I love you every time I read your posts. You re just hilarious. I'm not sure exactly what age they get it but as I sit here on my toilet(was that too much info? Sorry) my 6 yo was looking over my shoulder and when I explained that picture of your son was taken when it was 87 degrees he joke...did he want to over heat? So my guess is in the next two years he'll finally get it

  2. Can you really hear "I love you" too much? I don't think so. Keep the love coming...and know that I love you right back, tics and toilet bowls and all! Oh and send Bud over here to give Carter a lesson in how not to dress like a douche, K??