Cupcake Wars

“When did it become a requirement to bring cupcakes AND goodie bags to school for birthdays? Moms- let's stop trying to out-do each other!”

This was a fellow mom’s FB status earlier this week.

We had just picked our kids up from preschool and had been greeted with yet another goodie bag that someone had brought in to celebrate their child’s birthday.

It was the most beautiful goodie bag, all wrapped up and tied with a cute little ribbon.  It had tons of toys, candy, games, tattoos etc. inside. 

We were informed by the children that there had also been cupcakes.  This is about the 10^th birthday celebration that had taken place at school this year, each one more elaborate than the next. 

Now, I thought that having a summer baby would make me exempt from having to do any of this shit for my kid.  But lo and behold…the teacher has put out a summer birthday celebration schedule.  We’re all supposed to pick a day towards the end of the year and let our kids have their birthday at school.  Damn it. 

I was in the middle of thinking about what day I should pick when I read my friend’s status.  I immediately thought...well, don’t worry, you will have absolutely NO competition from me!

I strive for mediocrity and I think I do a really decent job achieving my goal.  When it comes to competing with other moms over party planning I throw in the towel right away.  Here’s me waving my white flag.  Come collect your congratulatory handshake…you win!

I will give you one million imaginary dollars if my son ever walks up to me in the future and says:

“Remember that awesome birthday party that what’s-his-name’s mom threw at school when I was three?”

Who are we trying to impress here? It's not the kids.  You could give the kids a hair covered lollipop from last Halloween and they would be thrilled to have it! (Note to self: see if I have enough old lollipops to cover the whole class...)

Celebrating at school is cute, but goodie bags are optional…and by optional I mean to say if you have expendable time and income then go nuts.  But don’t expect your kid to come home with one from my son because I have neither of those things.

I don’t even bake.  So store bought cupcakes are what I’ll be offering up to celebrate Carter being 3 years and 9 months old. 

Or I think I’m actually going to partner with a friend of mine whose son’s birthday is the day before Carter’s.  She bakes.  She can make the cupcakes and I’ll stand at the door at the end of class and give all the kids a high five on their way out.  That should cover the goodie bag portion of our show.

So there you have it fellow moms, bring on your handmade valentines and your most elaborate  birthday celebrations.  Feel free to outdo me.  It won’t be hard.  In fact, I think the challenge here would be to do LESS than me. 

Carter’s real party will be in the summer.  With cake, goodie bags, balloons and kegs. 

All the essentials.