That's Annoying

Parenthood is annoying.

It can also be wonderful, enjoyable and rewarding.  In between those moments, however, its super annoying. 

But I do have to say, the annoying parts are not always caused by something the kids are doing…although mostly they are...

Here are some things that I’ve encountered during my time as a mother that I’m annoyed by through no fault of my children:

1. Lack of correctly sized children’s clothing

Dear Children’s Clothing Companies,

WHAT THE HELL!

Love, Danielle

Seriously, you people need to cut the crap.  Can someone please explain the difference between 24 months and 2T?  Or a 5 and a 5T?  Those sizes seems like they should be the same damn thing.  They’re not. 

I hate being asked what sizes my kids are. 

Grant is a 2T waist, a 3T length but can fit into 24 month shorts cause there’s no length issue.  He still has some 18-24 month shirts that fit him but also some 3T ones that are too small.  So that’s what he’s wearing these days.  Does that size exist? 

Could all kid’s clothing manufacturers get together and come to some sort of agreement about sizing?

It would be way less annoying.

2.  Lack of childproof paraphernalia that actually keep things childproof

When your baby becomes mobile the first thing you’re supposed to do is run right out to the store and buy locks, latches and gates for every conceivable place in your home. 

Then you’re supposed to sit back and feel responsible because you took the necessary steps towards letting your child safely explore their surroundings.

In reality, all you’ve done is delay the inevitable. 

It’s like in the movies when someone is being chased by the bad guys and the person stops and knocks stuff into their way then keeps running.  The bad guys don’t see that and say “Cardboard boxes! How will we ever get around these? Never mind.  Let’s just give up and go home.”

If your baby wants to climb the stairs they will find a way to tear down the gate…or it will get to the point where they’re able to simply climb over it and flip you off from the other side. 

I put latches on my kitchen drawers which held through a couple of good tugs…but which gave in at tug 537.  My kids are not quitters. 

They figured out the trick to the lock on the snack cabinet in no time.  And the knob I put on the bathroom door?  They didn’t even attempt to find the trick to that one…they simply removed it.  Problem solved.  I would constantly find them playing with the pieces of it…in the toilet.

So sorry to be the one to break the news but there is no such thing as “childproof”.

It’s like Santa.  You believe in it when you’re a young, new parent.  But you eventually find out it’s a load a crap. 

And that realization is annoying.

3.  Lack of toys that don’t make noise

Did I miss the meeting where everyone in the world got together and decided that all toys created after a certain point HAD to make some form of noise?

There is no place in my house I can step without setting off an alarm, bell, whistle or siren. 

And what’s with those puzzles that are light activated? Anyone else have those? 

So if a piece is missing and the sun happens to hit it the thing just keeps going off.  I once walked around my house for 20 minutes checking if there was a stray cat somewhere because I was hearing random meowing. 

Things that parents appreciate: Quiet

Things parents rarely get to hear: Quiet

Not everything has to sing.  And if something does, in fact, have to sing please make it come with an off switch.  And make it have some volume option other than “Ear-piercingly, mind-numbingly loud”.

Oh, and as a note to my childless friends…stop giving my kids loud horns, drum sets and electric guitars.  Because someday you will have children.  And pay back is a bitch.  So I will go out of my way to find the loudest, craziest, most noise making toys they make and gift them to your future offspring. 

And that will be annoying.