Wednesday, October 3, 2012

I Heart Target

I don’t do a lot of shopping. 

There are two reasons for this:

1) I don’t have any money with which to do said shopping and

 2) Shopping during the day requires taking the kids with me and shopping at night requires more energy than those  life-sucking monsters I gave birth to leave me with after they go to bed. 

So, if I ever do have a chance to run out I have to go somewhere that offers the most bang for my buck.  As in, I have to go to one place that has multiple categories of crap available for purchase.  Because I always need items from several different crap categories and I’m unwilling to spend my time driving all over town to get them. 

With these store qualifications laid out I think we all know where I’m going to end up (and if you are on the edge of your seat waiting for the answer don’t reread the title of the post; it contains a spoiler and I want you to be surprised.)


Oh how I love me some Target.  You can go to Target 5 times a day and always find something else that you can’t live without.

No sentence on this earth scares my husband more than when I say “Hey hun, I’m gonna run to Target.”

I’m pretty sure when he hears those words come out of my mouth I immediately transform into a giant dollar sign that kind of, sort of resembles his wife. 

No, don’t worry.  See?  I show him my list: spray cleaner, dog treats, batteries, socks.

This is why Target is so amazing…where else can you go and get all of those things under one roof?  They really should change the name of the store to “God’s Gift to Mothers”.  It would be a more accurate description of the riches contained within.  But I digress…

Ok, so we have me holding a list with four things on it and my husband cowering under a table in fear.  Target.

I would love to say that I’m a responsible Target shopper and that his fears are unwarranted, buuuut…that’s not entirely true.  Actually, it’s not even remotely true.

I go in with my list of things that should cost me around $25.  Yet somehow at checkout my total is closer to…well…not $25. 

How does this happen?  This is a growing epidemic among moms everywhere.  I know because every single person I talk to has this experience.  Every time.  You’d think going in we’d know what to expect and then change our behavior accordingly but the learning curve does not apply to shopping at Target. 

Because, as I stated earlier, you can always find something you need at Target.  You NEED it.  Neeeeeeed it!
"OMG that shirt is so perfect...I'm almost out of body wash...If you shut up right now I'll buy you a matchbox car...Clearance?  It will EVENTUALLY be summer again and I'll obviously need a bathing suit...Do we have another tube of toothpaste? Better pick it up to be safe...I've been totally meaning to read that book."

If you are a person who can go into Target, get what’s on your list and not find anything additional that you need then…never mind!  That doesn’t ever happen.  You probably aren’t even in Target to begin with.  Go outside and check the sign on the building. 

So yeah, I go to Target a lot.  My kids know all about Target.  In fact, this happened today:
Me: "I have to run to the store."

Carter: “To Target or to the liquor store?”

Those are the only two stores that he ever hears me say I’m going to so logically those are the only two stores he thinks exist.

And to be perfectly honest, if that were the case, I’d be totally and completely ok with it. 


  1. I love you Target. And I will miss you. Someday we will be together again.

    1. OH MY GOD! I didn't even factor that into my reasons for being sad about the move!! Now I'm going to have to kidnap you...

  2. Those clearance endcaps make me weak. Every. Damn. Time.

  3. I don't even pretend anymore that I'm only going to get what's on my list when I go to Target. Your paragraph about "the perfect shirt" and the "tube of toothpaste" is so spot on! SPOT. ON.

    Target is evil yet so so so so so so SO wonderful!