It’s an absolutely gorgeous day here in New England! October is my favorite month; the leaves are at their peak and everything looks and smells and feels divine.
Today is perfect. Not too cold, not too hot. It’s one of those days where you think “Hey! I’m gonna surprise my kids and walk them home from school! And it will be so fun because we can crunch the leaves together and take in the sunshine and enjoy the day!”
I decided to bring our dog Toby with me. I was so proud of myself. I thought: “Wow! Look at me! I’m a mom walking with her dog to pick her kids up from school on this beautiful day. Is this is straight out of Parents magazine or what?!?!”
Well, I left the house a little later than expected and ended up having a jog the last leg…up a big hill. So I arrived late and dripping with sweat. But no problem, I still made a point to mention to all the teachers that we would be walking home that afternoon. I expected to receive some sort of parenting medal for my intentions but all I got was “Oh that’s nice”.
Whatever people, I know you’re impressed by my efforts. Maybe you just don’t want to make all the parents who DROVE here feel badly. I understand.
I grabbed the boys from their classrooms and headed outside. A few of the kids wanted to pat Toby so I stood there a little while before I realized…my children were missing. They were literally almost to the end of the street without me. I got them back quickly because I think they take away your “I walked my kids home from school” award if you lose them in the process.
Ok, everyone get the dog petting over with? Great. We’re off.
We started on our fun, fun walk home but then a car turned the corner and it was…my husband. He was running errands during his lunch break and was in the neighborhood. Naturally the kids thought it was so awesome that Dad was picking them up. Only that wasn’t the plan. The plan was to walk. Guess who now hated that plan? EVERYONE!
Mike then got to drive away leaving me with both kids screaming “We want Daddy!” and Grant literally crumpled in a heap on the side walk.
Thanks for the visit, hun!
At least I got to throw their backpacks in his car so I didn’t have to carry them…
After we had been walking/dragging Grant for a few minutes Carter announced that he was tired. And thirsty. But I had planned ahead for this and brought water…which was in the backpacks…which I had just put in Mike’s car.
It was at this point that the intense and uninterrupted whining began: I want to be the leader! No, I do! We don’t want to walk. We want lunch. Carry me. I want to hold your hand. I don’t want to hold your hand. WE WANT TO BOTH HOLD YOUR SAME HAND!
This was clearly not what I had pictured when I made the fateful decision to take this walk. Come to think of it, you can’t even see the sidewalk cause of these friggin’ leaves. And the sun is too hot. I’m melting. Stupid sunshine.
We were almost home when Carter started wheezing. He’s asthmatic. But it was ok because I foresaw this happening and had brought his inhaler. And put it in the backpack.
MIKE! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!
Alright kids, let’s keep moving. I can SEE the house. Surely nothing more can go wrong before we reach our front door. (OMG Danielle! WHY did you just say that! That's like the horror movie equivalent of someone saying "I'll be right back".)
“Mom! I have to go poop!”
Seriously, Grant? I don’t even have words to express how much I want you to be kidding. The thing about Grant is that he holds everything in until it’s an emergency. The look on his face told me it was an emergency. And turns out I was right.
He did it. He did it right there, 50 feet from our house. And then naturally he couldn’t just WALK like that. He had to move around and scream and cry until…it fell out his pant leg.
I am now officially the mother who's kid pooped on the sidewalk.
But it’s ok, cause I had brought a bag for Toby just in case. And I had put it…
IN THE FUCKING BACK PACK!
I hate walks. If anyone needs me later I’ll be diving into a glass of Shiraz and doing a few laps.