Wednesday, May 1, 2013

A Message to My Fellow Moms

I have a favor to ask. 

Can we as mothers please all agree to stop being douchebags to each other?

It’s just getting out of control.  And the thing is I don’t even think most of us mean to do it.  It’s just something that happens to you once you have kids. 

You go fucking crazy. 

And you forget that as hard as your job is, it is made even harder by the criticism and doucebaggery of other moms.  You feel constantly under attack and a lot of times that makes you want to attack others.  You want to scream “See?  See what she’s doing over there?  That’s wrong.  I’m right.  I have to be doing an ok job because at least I’m not doing THAT THING that the mother over there is doing!”
Moms are constantly trying to one up each other.

And then before you know it you’re at the park and you’re rolling your eyes to your friend because another little boy cut your son on the slide or threw sand.  And you would NEVER allow YOUR child to act like that.  I bet that mom actually TOLD her son to go to the park and act like ass and embarrass her. God! Some parents these days!
Oh I’m sorry eye rolling jerk-face…tell me, what’s it like to have the perfect child?  Keep your damn eye roll to yourself. (Can you tell who the mother of the slide cutting, sand thrower is in this scenario?)

But I know for a fact I’ve also been on the other side of this…I’ve been the one making the faces.

Maybe that mom is already having a rough day.  Maybe she’s already questioning her own parenting skills because don’t we all do that from time to time?  Maybe the last thing in the world she needs right now is judgment. 

It seems like everyone is so quick to point out when other kids are being bad.  And judge the mom in the process.  Know why we often notice the less than stellar behavior of other people’s kids?  Because it makes us feel better about our own misbehaving offspring!

At least that’s why I do it. 

I so enjoy when I see other kids being bastards.  It’s validation that they are just all like that sometimes.  Next time I see a child having a tantrum out in public I’m gonna go give that mom a big high five and ask her if she wants to go out for margaritas. 

Here’s another thing I’m going to stop doing: Telling other mothers what they’re in for.

I’ve had a few friends of mine post lately about the terrible twos.  And guess what my first instinct is?  I want to write “Oh don’t worry…3 is worse.”

In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve actually written that a time or two.

What a douche huh?

People write that all the time on “terrible two” status updates.  People used to say that to me constantly when I would complain about my then two year olds.

And for what purpose?  To suck the poor mother dry of any hope that there will come a day when the word no or the wrong color spoon won’t send her child into meltdown mode?  Thanks for brightening my day with the knowledge that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. 

We should just write: Well, I hope you didn’t want to ever enjoy your child because once THIS phase is over the NEXT phase is even worse.  Wait till three, at three they are smarter and even MORE strong willed and your life will be harder …until four that is.  Then your life is basically over because FOUR extra super SUCKS!

I have no knowledge of five so I’m assuming it’s just a walk in the park…and I’m going to bitch slap anyone who tells me otherwise…

Another annoying thing we do as mothers is give unsolicited advice. 

If someone asks you: “Gee, what did you use for a sleep training method?  I need some help!” then by all means go to town!

But if someone simply says: “MY GOD! If I don’t get a good night’s sleep soon I’m going to kill someone!” then that person just wants to vent.

We need to start recognizing the difference between a mom looking for feedback and a mom simply bitching.  The correct response in the second scenario is: “I know, right? This parenting shit is hard!”

We need to stop assuming that whatever worked for our child will work for all the children in all the land.  We need to stop assuming that everyone wants to hear our methods.  Some people do.  Most don’t.  Cause it’s just annoying to have to listen to someone tell you what you’re doing wrong and how to fix it if all you really want them to do is listen to you and maybe refill your wine glass every once in a while. 

So what do you say?  Can we all band together as a united mom front and start supporting each other more? Stop the judging, stop the preaching.

 Because in the end we’re all on the same team fighting against a common enemy…our children.


  1. I'm sorry. I like being douchey.



  2. so true.. thanx for putting that all out there =)