Thank God

You know how you’re out in a store and you see a kid throwing a huge tantrum over something?  Or you see siblings screaming and smacking each other while together in the carriage?  And the mom looks exasperated and helpless?

If you think: “Man, those kids are AWFUL!  I wish I didn’t have to witness that!” then you don’t have kids who behave like that…and can I have your secret? 

When I see things like this out in public my first thought is: “Thank God!”

Thank God other people have crazy, stubborn, loud, obnoxious kids too.  It makes me feel one thousand percent better knowing I’m not alone.

If you’re the mom of the kid pushing his sister off the slide at the park and you see me smiling at you please know it’s not out of judgment.  It’s out of solidarity.   I would run over and give you a big high five but I think the moms of the well behaved children would be offended by that.

We all know that one of my basic parenting mottos is “Misery Loves Company”.  I had heard this phrase many times in my life but it never hit home as much as it did after I had kids. 

Now I’m always on the lookout for kids who are acting out.  I’m trying to collect evidence indicating that my children are not going to grow up to be psychopaths…

At the beach: That girl just hit her sister over the head with a shovel…YES!

At Target: The boy not getting what he wants is currently throwing things off the shelves…That’s OUTSTANDING!

At the park: That mother has said “Stop it” no less than 57 times and the kids have done no such thing…Woo Hoo!!

These are all signs that point to the fact that kids are just jerks…mine are not special in their jerk-iness-ness.  And that makes me feel much better.

Parenting is so God-awfully hard.  It’s competitive and stressful.  Moms constantly try to out-do each other.  And doesn’t it seem like someone is always trying to tell you how great their kids are on the same day that YOUR kid smeared hand soap all over the bathroom walls?  What we should be trying to out-do each other with is war stories of how awfully behaved our kids are:

“Oh, so you’re kids tease each other?  Do they make up songs to go along with the ridicule?  Cause Carter does.  He sings songs about Grant not getting to have any toys and having to live in the basement.  Do I win?”

The “my kid is wicked super awesome” people are in denial.  I avoid them.  

But hey, You! Mom, of Mr. Sand Thrower over there…can I have your number?  We should hang.