Other Mothers

Are there any normal parents left out there?

You know, the ones who say to their kids:
"You're annoying me today. Here's a cookie, now go watch Mickey Mouse and give me a break."

Instead of:
"I can see you're frustrated today. Here, have some organic oatmeal and soy milk. Now lets sit down and write a haiku about your feelings."

Up until now it has been fairly easy to surround myself with other mothers who share my views on parenting. I love my friends because I can call them up and tell them "My kids are driving me nuts. I'm coming over. I need a witness in order to garuntee their safety."

But now that Carter is older I try to take him out to classes that will help him learn valuable social skills and will in other ways enrich...yeah, no, I can't even finish that sentence and keep a straight face. I take him to classes cause it saves me from being trapped in the house alone with him for ten hours every day.

The problem with these classes is that you never know what type of parental figures you are going to encounter. I am easily annoyed (at least ACT shocked by that statement, would ya?) I don't want to be surrounded by touchy-feely idiots who think their child is quite honestly the most perfect child that has ever been created. If you follow this blog you are aware that I certainly suffer from no such delusions regarding my kids.

I recently attended a class where some of the other mothers took it upon themselves to change the curriculum. And the teacher LET THEM! I missed the first class of the session where these God-like women decided what my child was and was not going to be learning.

Carter will be going to preschool next year and I will be surrounded by these people. I hope I don't show up late one morning and find that the decision has been made to skip teaching math that year and focus on teaching meditation skills instead. Cause there are no wrong answers in meditation, and that will foster a child's sense of self-worth....

These mothers are so judgemental. Don't get me wrong, I judge other people too. Everyone does so don't deny it. But at least when I do it there is usually a good reason. If you're wearing brown socks and black shoes, for example. Then you're just asking for it. But I've found that mothers judge other mothers for the MOST RIDICULOUS reasons.

When Carter was around a year old, a mother at story time gave me a lecture because I didn't use sign language with him:

Her:"But it helps you understand what they want! Like, when she wants more of something she can tell me!"

Me: "Hey, Carter. Say 'more'."

Him: "More."


K? We good here?

Another time I was having a conversation about nutrition and the topic of school lunches came up. So I have this woman telling me how she couldn't believe the things that some mothers pack their kids for lunch these days! Her example? White bread.

White bread? Really? That's what you got as ammo on this mom? The way she was talking I thought she was going to say heroin.

OK, other mothers, I realize that you are judging me because I brought Goldfish as a snack instead of organic avocados grown by blind orphans in Guatemala. But rest assured, I'm judging you right back for being pretentious know-it-alls who are raising the next generation of overly entitled American brats!