Arts and Crafts

I don't like mess. I don't like clutter. I don't like dirt. I don't like things that are sticky, muddy, gooey, goopy or oozy. Glue and glitter rank very high of my list of materials not to use to entertain my child.

As a result of my neurosis, Carter has never been exposed to arts and crafts. I mean, we color (with crayons, NOT markers!) but as far as projects go he's slightly behind the average child.

I never thought of this as odd until the day we went to a class that involved an art project. The teacher handed him a glue stick. She may as well have handed him an algebra equation. He's had as much exposure to those as he's had to glue sticks.

When he figured out what you could do with said stick, his face lit up. You would think this thing held the secret to curing cancer, eliminating the national deficit and bringing about world peace...that's how happy he was to be holding it.

He now possessed the power to stick things to other things, and he intended to use it. His fire truck had no less than 13 wheels on it when he was finished. He just kept gluing them on.

Then the teacher brought out the glitter. Good lord. Luckily, she did the sprinkling for them. She spilled a little on the table. Carter ran over and said "I clean it up." I've never been more proud!

Know how sometimes when a kid has overly controlling parents they grow up and rebel? Yeah, well, my kid isn't going to be out partying till all hours of the night...he's going to go off to college and sneak finger paints into his dorm room.

I can see myself now, trying to explain to the police...."He used to be such a good boy!  I don't know where I went wrong and let him grow up to become 'The Glue Stick Bandit'!"