Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Are You Ready for Kids?

Some people just know when they are ready to become a parent.  Others have doubts. 

It’s normal to have doubts.  My kids are 4 and 5 and I’m STILL not really sure that I’m ready to be a mom.  I guess I’ll figure it out eventually right?

Well, anyway, if you are toying with the idea of having offspring of your own I’m here to help. I’ve made you a checklist.  Here are some ways you can tell if you’re ready to handle all that parenthood has to offer.  If many of these apply to you it may be time to have a kid:

1. You like talking and being completely ignored by the people you are speaking to.

2. You never wanted to own nice things anyway.

3. You consider it a compliment when people say “Wow, you look tired.”

4. Related to #3…you feel sleep is way overrated and have been meaning to cut back on the hours you spend doing it.

5. You like preparing food and then watching it go to waste because it’s cut in the wrong shape.

6. You have absolutely no interest in keeping up with current events. You’d much rather know what’s happening with some weirdo mice and a pants-less duck. 

7. You feel like your house is way too quiet and clean.

8. You’re sick of being alone in the bathroom.

9. It doesn’t matter to you if you get to chew and actually taste your food.

10. You could take or leave wearing clothes without stains on them.

11. You are the least spontaneous person you know and having to plan a trip to the grocery store to pick up milk five hours in advance doesn’t bother you at all. 

12. You never liked your disposable income anyway. 

13. You love the word “why” and you can’t get enough of hearing sentences that begin with it.

14. Being judged by strangers for every move you make is your idea of a good time.

15. You hate it when you have to say things just once and would much rather repeat the same sentence 100 times before anyone pays attention to you.

16. You think there are only two food groups: Coffee and wine.

17. You feel like you really don’t yell enough and you’d like more opportunities to do so.

18. You don't think having to say things like "Why is there peanut butter on the dog?" is weird at all.

19. You have been desperately searching for a way to get rid of your personal space.

20. You’ve been feeling pretty sane lately and it’s a drag.  You’d much rather feel like you are a psycho lunatic whose life is slowly spinning out of control.

So, are you ready?  Do you meet all of the qualifications on the list?  If so you should probably procreate immediately and join the rest of us! (I mean, if that last one doesn’t totally sell it then I don’t know what’s wrong with you!)

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