Thursday, December 13, 2012

PJ Time

I love my pajamas.

Wait…before we get into this let’s make sure everyone is pronouncing that correctly. 
Of my many, many parenting failures the one I am most upset about is the fact that my children say “Pa-JAM-ahs” instead of the correct pronunciation which is clearly “Pa-JAH-mas”. 

It’s my husband’s fault.  He has a stupid accent. 
I don’t know where he got it from because he’s from New Hampshire.  And not like way up in the sticks New Hampshire.  His town touches Massachusetts.  If you were standing in his childhood home you could throw something and HIT Massachusetts. 

But he unfortunately passed “pa-jam-ahs” onto my children.  I’m considering taking them in for speech therapy.

Anyway, back to the point of the story.  I love my pajamas.  And my kids love theirs. 

If we don’t have anywhere to be we stay in our pajamas all day long.  It’s cozy. 

Recently, however, I’ve been feeling like maybe we should put on clothes more often.  Like, maybe I’m being lazy and using it as an excuse to stay in my house and not have to take the kids anywhere.  Because dressing them is a pain in the ass. 

Grant went through a thing recently where as soon as I got him dressed he would run away and rip his clothes off.  And then we have Carter who insists on wearing shorts and soccer socks in the middle of December.  But everyone agrees on pajamas.  And if they’re the feety kind then you don’t have to deal with socks. 

Socks suck.

When I plan to have a pajama day know what really helps?  Rain.  Or at least clouds.  Nothing makes me feel like more of a lazy jerk-off than hanging in my PJs on a beautiful sunny day.  Sometimes the day will start cloudy but end sunny.  That’s really a problem because I’ve already committed to pajamas…so then what does one do? 

The other day I decided to dress the kids even though we had nothing to do:

“Where are we going?”

“Nowhere, why?”

“But we’re getting dressed…so where are we going?”

“I just want to be dressed and feel like a productive member of society.  Sometimes people get dressed even when they’re not going anywhere.”

“Oh…really?  That’s funny.”

I know, right?  I think it’s a silly idea too.  I don’t see the point in putting on clothes if I have no intention of showing anybody the product of my efforts.  Getting three people dressed is work.  And the point of doing work is to have that work appreciated by others.  Most times when I get us all dressed the only ones around to appreciate it are the dogs…and they don’t really seem all that impressed. 

Today we had a pajama day.  Around 11 o’clock some Jehovah’s Witnesses knocked on our door.  When I answered a man in a weird looking hat gave me a look and remarked “Oh, just getting out of bed?”

I was caught completely off guard so I did what I always do when I’m caught completely off guard…I lied.

“We’re all sick today so we decided to stay comfy.”

About halfway through his speech I suddenly got really angry at him for his comment.  What the hell!  Why do I feel like I need to impress you with my wardrobe choices?  You’re the one who knocked on my door in the middle of the day and interrupted my life. 

So I stopped him…

“Ya know what?  No one here is sick actually; we just like to stay in our pajamas.  And I’m not interested in your pamphlet.”

I closed the door on that bullshitting hat-wearer. 

Who do you think you are?  You WISH you were in your pajamas right now!  In fact, I'm of the opinion that Jesus wore nothing BUT pajamas!

If they ever come back here again when I’m dressed I’m going to make them wait on the porch while I change.

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