Thursday, November 8, 2012

Daylight Savings

It has just occurred to me that I’ve never written a blog about daylight savings.  This surprises me because I like to write blogs about things that I hate.  And I hate daylight savings. 

First of all, daylight savings was clearly invented by someone who had some serious angst towards their parents.  Why else would anyone want to create such a horrible thing?  It was obviously meant as a punishment.

If you’re not a parent (Congrats!) then this twice yearly phenomenon probably doesn’t affect your life too much.  Maybe you’re a little sleepier when you spring ahead, but that’s about it right?

For parents, daylight savings is earth-shatteringly God awful.  

It often takes a lot of work plus a few small miracles to get your kids on an acceptable sleep schedule and we parents really don’t appreciate that being messed with.

When Carter was a baby I would drop whatever I was doing in order to be home in time for his nightly routine in order to keep him on schedule.  It didn’t matter if we were out running errands or at a friend’s house for dinner and drinks.  I would stop all activity and leave. 

Did you hear me?  I would PUT DOWN ALCOHOL in order to be home.  This is serious, people.

So when you’re finally able to move heaven and earth and coordinate your life around your baby’s sleep habits daylight savings time is a massive kick in the balls.

I think it’s so nice that some of you got an extra hour of sleep this weekend.  Know what I got?  A kid in my face at 5:30 instead of 6:30.  I then had to get up in the pitch black. 

I tried to explain the situation.  But trying to explain daylight savings to a 4 year old is's much like trying to explain daylight savings to a 4 year old:

“It’s dark out.  Go back to bed.”

“But I’m awake.”

“Yeah but you shouldn’t be because the clock says it’s too early for me to be hearing your voice. You should be sleeping. “

“But my eyes are open.  See? Can I have pancakes?”

Later that day I got to read all the status updates about the refreshing extra hour of sleep you childless people enjoyed. 

You liked falling back?  Well I hope you like falling back off the cliff I’m going to shove you over if I hear one more word about how rested you are!

Around 5:30 that evening, when it was once again pitch black out, I started thinking about how it was actually 6:30 which meant the kids should be going to bed in about an hour.  But of course I couldn’t put them to bed then, I had to wait.  Otherwise they would be up at 4:30 the next morning.

Welcome to “Falling Back Day” or as it’s more commonly known: THE LONGEST PARENTING DAY OF THE YEAR!

I cannot tell you how many of my fellow moms posted about how they had to start drinking way earlier than normal to survive that day. 

See?  See what you’re doing to our livers with this bullshit time change?  I hope you’re happy Mr. Daylight Savings Man!

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