Friday, October 21, 2011

Carter for President!

Even though he’s only three, I think that Carter has the makings of a fabulous politician. 
To be honest though, politician was my second thought.  At first I came to the conclusion that he’d make a really good con artist.  But I’ve since realized that his talents could be useful in the pursuit of a more respectable…and more legal…line of work
I think that he’s a natural born leader.  He’s not afraid to lay down the law.
For example, in the third week of preschool his teachers told me that he was very “hands on” in class that day.  First of all, what does that even mean?  Like, he used his hands to play a lot that day?  Oh no, come to find out they said he was “hands on” because he literally put his HANDS ON the other kids. (Carter!  Jesus, dude!  It’s the third damn week…couldn’t you at least wait a little longer before showing them your true colors…I wanted to keep them snowed till at least Christmas!  Your cover is blown, man.)
Well, we talked to him about it and told him to cut the crap!  Finally we asked him WHY he was pushing the other kids in class.  His answer?  “They weren’t standing in line, the teacher said to stand in line.”  Very matter of fact.  He apparently feels the need to put himself in charge of everyone’s behavior.  I don’t know WHERE he gets that from!  And if you step out of line...he'll just push you.  It would be great for crime prevention.  I, for one, know that I would walk the straight and narrow if I thought our national leader could pop up at any moment and shove me.
Another reason I want him to run for office is that he is a stellar negotiator.
We were getting ready for nap time so I told Carter we were done reading books.  This was an unpopular decision which led to him kicking over a basket of blocks. I very calmly said "I would like you to pick up those blocks." And he looked right at me and said "Yes...and I would like YOU to read a book to me!"
Oh ok, sooo…we both had scenarios that we’d like to see play out.  And he was really trying work out a deal with me. I like that he wanted to go the diplomatic route.  I also like that he’s three and I’m still bigger than him so I didn’t have to talk it out.  Pick up the damn blocks.
But these little interactions are very good practice for his future.
“President Jefferson, we would like you to get your troops out of our country.”
”Uh huh.  And WE would like YOU to stop bombing your neighbors….so do that and I won’t have to dump a pile of MegaBlocks  on your ass.  OK?”
In order to be successful in office you have to be able to represent you constituents.  Carter has some experience in this area.
Today he walked up to me while I was vacuuming and said:
"Excuse me, Mom. Me and my brother can't hear the TV when you're doing that."
What are you, the representative from the Children’s Union?  Did you get elected to come discuss your list of grievances with me?
Next I’ll be finding notes around the house that say “Dear Mom and Dad, Grant and I are sick of you guys buying the generic cereal.  What the hell are “Tastee O’s?  We want the real thing.  Please meet us in the playroom after dinner to discuss the situation or we’ll be going on a sleep strike effective at midnight tonight.”
I think I’m really onto something here.  He’d be a good candidate.  I mean, I wouldn’t vote for him cause I think he’s a little bastard…but everyone else is more than welcome to! 

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