Friday, April 11, 2014

Battle of the Moms

I’m not the only mom who has multiple mom personalities inside their brain, right?  Usually they all get along and we go about our day…but sometimes there’s conflict.  Like today, for example. 

Today my mom personalities are having a debate about whether or not we should clean up the messy playroom or wait until Carter gets home from school and make him do it.  Let’s take a look inside my head and see how the argument is going:

Responsible Mom: “God damn it! I told Carter to pick up the playroom!  It’s a nightmare in there.  That is the first thing he’s doing when he comes home from school.”

OCD Mom: “When he comes home from school?  That’s like two hours from now.  Can’t we just clean it?  I don’t like looking at the mess.”

Responsible Mom: “No! If we clean it then he won’t learn the lesson that he has to pick up after himself.  We’d be setting a bad example.”

OCD Mom: “We teach him that lesson all the time and he still leaves his shit all over the place.  The message isn’t getting through.  Maybe we can just pick up THIS mess and then when he inevitably leaves ANOTHER mess he can clean that one up.  Because I can’t look at that playroom anymore.”

Responsible Mom: “No, we’re waiting for him to clean it himself.”

Calm and Rational Mom: “Hey guys! OCD Mom why do you even care about the mess?  No one is here to see it.”

OCD Mom: “No one is here to see it NOW, but what if someone stops in? The playroom is right on the way to the bathroom.  What if someone stops by and needs to use the bathroom?”

Calm and Rational Mom: “Are you expecting someone?”

OCD Mom: “No.  But anyone could come here at any moment.  What if a repair man suddenly shows up at the door asking to come in?”

Calm and Rational Mom: “If a repair man suddenly shows up and asks to come in then I’d be more concerned that we’re either in an adult film or about to be murdered.”

OCD Mom: “Wait…who even invited you into this conversation?  Calm and Rational Mom?  YOU DON’T EVEN EXIST! You’re like Santa or the Tooth Fairy…as new moms we really want to believe in you but sooner or later we all figure out that you’re not a real thing!”

ADD Mom: “Hey guys! Look over there! Something else needs your attention!”

Responsible Mom: “Aw! Grant wants us to read him a book!”

OCD Mom: “There’s a dish in the sink. I need to do that dish.”

 Wino Mom: “Oooooh…wine! Let’s go drink it.”

Responsible Mom: “Oh hey Wino Mom, didn’t realize you were here.”

Wino Mom: “Girls, I’m always here.”

Well, guess that solves the problem then.  It looks like Wino Mom won.  Thank God for her!  She saves the day a lot.

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