I’m the Mom before Christmas, welcome to my home!
Have you met my children? Here’s Piss and here’s Moan
They’re overtired and cranky and had too much cake.
F you, sugar…it’s 10! WHY ARE THEY STILL AWAKE!
The parties we’ve been to have taken their toll.
Getting them back on schedule is sucking my soul.
We decorated the house and hung every stocking.
I think they look straight…that could be the Nog talking.
I shopped and I shopped and I fought all the crowds.
And I didn’t punch even one person. So proud!
The pies are all baked but no thanks to me.
Cause I don’t do that shit, yo! I just buy Sarah Lee.
The damn tree is trimmed and the presents are wrapped.
Don’t ask us for more cause your parents are strapped.
Santa is coming! But I’ve done all the work.
That’s why I always say that guy’s a real jerk.
My kids asked for a toy and they’re happy to get it.
I spend all the damn cash, Santa gets all the credit!
But their faces lit up makes it worth all the stress.
Even though I’m now poor and my house is a mess.
I can’t be mad though, cause I love Christmastime!
Merry Christmas to all, and to all some good wine!