Friday, May 20, 2011

Smooth Talker

Know how toddlers say the funniest things because they have no filter yet?  Yeah, that’s only enjoyable up to a certain point. 
Carter needs some help learning how to flatter women.  He needs to know that girls like to be complimented, told they look beautiful, etc. etc.  Eventually someone should tell Carter that saying things like, “Oh Mama!  You’re a hot mess!”  is not gonna be socially acceptable for that much longer. 
Seriously, hanging around this kid is not all that good for my ego. 
One morning the boys and I were sitting around playing with cars.  Carter was handing them out to us, dictating which cars we were allowed to play with.  Clearly. 
First he said “Grant can be the Mini cause he’s little”.  Well that makes sense. 
Then he told me that he would be the Porsche.  He did not offer up an explanation, but based on his rationale for Grant I’m thinking he had a reason for this choice.  In which case, I’m also thinking that I’ll never have to worry about my child having a self-esteem problem.
So following along I said "Can I be the Hot Rod cause I'm hot?"
To which he replied: "No, Mama. You're the Dump Truck."
Wow.  Ok then.  The Dump Truck, huh? Diiiiiidn’t see that coming.  You sure know how to make a girl feel special, Cart. 
I guess that’s how he views me.  But hey, dump trucks are awesome in his world.  So maybe THAT’S why he picked it for me.  And that’s what I tell myself so I can sleep at night.
My new role as Dump Truck could be responsible for this next story. 
Grant hit the page button on the phone and it was going "Beep, beep, beep..".  So Carter looked at me and said "Mama, are you backing up?"
No, really, Carter.  Keep ‘em coming.  I so enjoy these interactions where you compare me to some type of heavy machinery. 
Just yesterday I was sitting on the floor, which apparently was not where Carter wanted me.  My bad.  He alerted me to the fact that I needed to move by saying:
“Mama, can you get up?  Here, I’ll help you”.  He grabbed onto my arm, yanked upwards and then said, “Uh Oh!  I can’t even pick you up at all!”
Did he honestly need to add “at all” to the end of that sentence?
I suppose I have to exercise more.  Carter must suppose this as well because we were sitting eating lunch and he came out with "Mama, you have to do booty exercises."
He then proceeded to get on the floor and demonstrate..."You have to do this, Mama. Like this..."
I hate him.

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