This morning Carter was walking in the upstairs hallway when
he suddenly started screaming.
“AHHHHHH!!! THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY FOOT!”
The decibel level of his scream had to have set some sort of
record.
And as I suspected, it was the absolute worst possible thing
that can happen in a young boy’s life…he had a splinter.
“Let me see it…you have to let me see it…stop moving or I
can’t help you.”
The whole not moving thing was not happening. Turns out when you are that distraught and
your world is ending and your foot is falling off the last thing you want to do
it let someone touch it. I decided to throw him into the tub to soak it and see
where we could go from there.
The tub did NOT help and the screaming continued. But I obviously had to get it out so I got
out my chainsaw:
I tried to hold his leg still while I worked but remember
that time I put him in the tub?
Screaming + Thrashing + Water = WHY THE HELL DID I PUT HIM
IN THE TUB!
At this point Grant had discovered what was going on and was
busy jumping on my back and screaming “He doesn’t like that!”
It’s nice that you’re defending your brother, but piss off
kid.
I tried to get Carter out of the tub but turns out he couldn’t
walk. I know this because he screamed it
in my face for five minutes straight: “I can’t walk…I can’t even WALK!”
My next move was what I think any rational, loving mother
would do…I threatened to take him to the hospital so they could cut off his
foot.
“But then I won’t be able to walk.”
“Well, you just said you can’t do that anyway. So it will be absolutely no different. Let’s
go.”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
I was apparently wrong when I said that his original scream
was a record setter…
I had now officially gotten to the point where I could no
longer deal with the situation. So I did
a very mature and grown-up thing…I called my Mommy.
She came over and retold the whole “a doctor will have to
cut your foot off” story only she also added:
“And they’ll have to hold you down and use a big knife.”
Anyone still confused as to where I picked up my parenting
skills?
Well, we finally managed to bribe him/threaten him/wrangle
him into letting us remove the splinter.
That little shit piece of wood consumed my whole morning (and I’m now
part deaf in my left ear). I think it
would have in fact been easier to remove his foot.
That’s the route I’m taking next time.
Why on earth didn't you just call 911!!!! Silly mama.
ReplyDeleteLOL! Bud has had several splinter's all with the same reaction as you describe. I usually tell him I'll get it out and he FREAKS out and so I say "Do you want Dad to do it instead?" He says yes, I call in the husband, and I go back to sipping my margarita. Splinter's don't bother me too much. ;-)
ReplyDeleteGive my your husband's number...I'll call him the next time. And have him bring me a margarita too, i want the full experience!
DeleteAwesome!! I especially like the "piss off kid" part. My #1 freaks out like this with a tiny little splinter. Kid #2 once let a splinter fester so long in his hand that it got infected...without so much as saying a word about it. Lose-lose parenting over here.
ReplyDeleteYeah my #2 had one a few weeks ago that I didn't even notice. We took it out in 4 seconds without him even flinching. Thank God for those kids, huh??
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