Tomorrow I Shall Be Perfect...

                                  

Yesterday I said “tomorrow”. 

Tomorrow I will be a better parent…a perfect parent.  I will engage more. I will take a day trip with my kids. I will do a craft.  I will read them a book. I will take them on a walk. I will feed them a vegetable.  I will do all this tomorrow…because today has passed and I have done none of those things.

It’s August and the summer is coming to a close. I can feel the lump of anxiety in my throat as I think back and wonder if I’ve done enough to make summer memories for my children. It’s the same feeling I get on Sunday nights when I look at my schedule for the coming week and wonder where the weekend has gone.  August is the Sunday of Summer. 

Everywhere I look I see pictures of families having storybook summer adventures.  Kids in coordinating outfits eating ice cream on the beach.  The kind of “eating ice cream” photograph that shows the kid getting a little messy but not too messy.  Just messy enough to show that they’re having THE BEST SUMMER EVER!

Meanwhile, my kids are on their ipads because I let them stay up too late last night and they are now unable to do anything besides whine and complain.  I allow this lapse in screen time rules because I have a lot of stuff to do around the house.  This is probably horrible parenting. This will not happen tomorrow.  Because tomorrow I shall be perfect.

So, I lay in bed and think about all the memories I’m going to make with my kids the next day.  I will make up for my lackluster parenting today.  I will wow them with fun and excitement. I will relieve my guilty conscience by being perfect. New day, fresh start, I can do this. Summer isn’t over…yet.

I’m panicking about my missed opportunities for parental perfection to the point where I can’t even sleep because I’m too busy beating myself up. But…like…why? I have to stop and think: why do I feel all this pressure? Why do I have to be perfect?

Maybe it’s all the articles and blog posts out there reminding me how quickly time passes. “Parents! ACT NOW! Your kids are growing up and soon they won’t even remember you exist! YOU MUST ENJOY EVERY SECOND!!”

I shouldn’t read these anymore because, hi, I’m an adult and I get how time works. I do enjoy my children…most of the time. Stop reminding me of what I’m going to lose if I don’t spend every waking second making memories.

And yet…

I want to cry just thinking about that.  About how I “only have this moment with my children once”. Do I want my children to grow up without ALL THE MOMENTS?!?! I have to make these moments.  I have to be perfect. Tommorrow.

My rational side kicks in and reminds me that I just took my kids on a two-week vacation to a beautiful lake. Doesn’t that count for something? So what if it’s 11am and I haven’t done anything with them today besides make them clean their rooms to earn Playstation time?

But then my guilt ridden “the internet told me I’m a bad mother” side reminds me that I have to enjoy EVERY moment. It doesn’t matter what we did last week. What have we done today?  I have to be present and accountable 24/7 or my kids are going to be robbing lemonade stands by the time they’re 10. 

I definitely don’t want that to happen.  So tomorrow I shall be perfect.

Here’s the thing, though: Not every moment can be magical and filled with lifelong memories.  You know that “dust if you must” poem? Ok, I get it.  But if I don’t dust then my child with severe allergies will not be able to breathe.  That’s not a sugar-coated childhood memory.  And, yes, I know the laundry will still be there tomorrow. But we can’t go out and make super nifty memories if we’re all naked. 

Maybe the answer is moderation.  Maybe we can make the memories when the opportunity is there but maybe we can also sit around in our pjs and have a lazy non-memory filled day if we need it.

Tomorrow I will probably not be perfect in spite of all my intentions. 

Maybe tomorrow I’ll simply be enough instead.  And my kids will most likely survive.

Vacationing has changed...

It’s summer! Sweet, beautiful summer. Hello, gorgeous! 

Summer means it’s time to kick back and enjoy some down time. It’s also prime vacation season which used to mean I would grab a book, a towel and a bathing suit and hit the road. Lake, beach, pool...whatever the occasion that would pretty much cover it for my twenty something year old self. 

Wasn’t I cute and clueless? Oh, girl how your life is about to change...

After having kids of course you still vacation but the post kid vacation bears strikingly little resemblance to the pre kid vacation. When the post kid vacation looks in the mirror it doesn’t even recognize itself (then it pours a glass of wine, eats a pint of rocky road and SWEARS one day it’ll get back to its former shape).

In the spirit of the season I’m going to share  with you the ways vacationing has changed since kids have entered the picture. If you have kids you’ll probably have a few to add yourself and if you don’t have kids...well...consider it free birth control! 

So here we go! 

Top five vacationy things that have changed post kids:

Number 1: Everything. 

All of it. I could probably stop the list right there but I promised you four more. So onward we go...

Number 2: The amount of stuff you pack. 

This one seems obvious because you added people so naturally you need to add more stuff but hear me out...

You might figure that your packing is going to double when you’re packing for another person. Especially a kid. They’re, like, SO small! How much room can their stuff take up? 

Answer: OMG A LOT!

Little kids need all their seats and strollers and other gear. Big kids need every toy you have in your house, especially the ones they haven’t touched in 8 months and suddenly CAN’T LEAVE BEHIND! 

Trust me. For every additional kid sized human you add to your trip plan for 74x more stuff per person than you previously brought. 

Number 3: The variety of sunscreen you need to bring borders on obscene. 

Seriously. Sunscreen is sunscreen, right? WRONG! 

Back in the day I’d bring, like, two tubes of different SPF sunscreen (one for when I wanted to burn and one for when I wanted to burn a little less). 

Now? Spray sunscreen, stick sunscreen for the face (cause “DON’T SPRAY MY FACE!”), cream sunscreen for when I wanna know what it would be like to wrestle a greased up octopus (dude, I swear they grow additional arms to fight you off while you try to rub it in). You need every SPF over 50 and specialized ones based on age and body part. Face is different than legs for some reason because...who knows why, just take my money. 

Number 4: The food. Oooooooh the food...

Did you know that an average sized toddler who usually only needs 5 goldfish and an 8th of a grape to get him from breakfast to lunch will suddenly grow four extra stomachs once you take them on vacation?

 The amount of snacks they need to get through an average day is astronomical. Put “S#*^load of goldfish, popsicles and cookies” on your shopping list. Then underline and highlight it. 

Never mind the amount of absolute crap they will consume. There is no "too early for sugar" rule anymore.

I never knew “breakfast dessert” was a thing until we were on vacation and my then 5 year old finished his cereal and asked my mother for dessert. And she gave it to him. Cause “It’s vacation!” 

Ummmmm...what? Well, ok then, all control that I had over your diet just went out the window. 

Meh. I'll fix it when we get home.

Number 5: The relaxing. 

Vacation is typically considered a time to “take a load off” or “escape from reality”. But not so much when you bring your loads of reality with you. 

I love my kids. Loooooove them! And I enjoy that they enjoy their time. But bringing them on vacation is like a doctor packing up his patients and letting them tag along on his trip to the Hamptons. It’s work. 

Every year we go to the lake for a couple weeks in July. And every year I pack a beach chair. And every year it’s a lonely, lonely little chair. But it gets to leave the basement for those weeks. So it’s kind of a vacation for the chair. How nice for the chair! 

Honestly though, if you pack kids you don’t have to pack anything that facilitates sitting. Look at all the space in the car I just saved you...now you have room for more toys! You’re welcome. 

Happy summering!