My kids are always putting stupid things in their
mouths. I don’t know why. Just to be stupid I guess. I’ve warned them a million times that if they
put things in their mouths they’re gonna choke and die. Ok, maybe not the most motherly way I could
put it but, I mean, it’s me…what did you expect?
This morning Carter stupidly had a tire from one of his
trucks in his mouth. So I gave him the
standard warning about choking and dying but didn’t get much of a
response.
Then I got to thinking…do they even know what dying
means? It’s kind of an abstract concept
for a 3 and 4 year old. Maybe they
continue to not care about choking and dying because they don’t UNDERSTAND
choking and dying. I decided to explain
it further:
Me: “Do you even know what dying means?”
Carter: “It comes after you choke.”
See, I say that phrase a lot.
Me: “Yeah but what it really means is that if you die you
won’t be able to see anyone ever again.
Not mommy or daddy or any of your friends…nobody. You’ll be all alone.”
Carter: “Where will I be?”
Me: “They put you in a box in the gr….”
Ok, perhaps that approach is a little much. I decided to go in a different direction
instead.
Me: “You go live in the sky with God. And all you get to do
is sit on a cloud all day and do nothing. And no one is with you.”
Carter: “Is God there?”
Me: “Yeah but he’s boring.”
I’m sure that’s gonna come back to bite me the next time I
try to take him to church. But we all
know I’m not the best at describing religious stuff. Remember when I tried to teach Carter about
Easter? http://www.thingscartersays.blogspot.com/2013/03/the-story-of-easter.html
Carter: “Where does God sleep.”
Me: “In the clouds.”
Carter: “What about when there’s lightning?”
Me: “You’re missing the point. When you die you go away and
you can’t see anybody ever again and it’s awful.”
Carter: “Nana will find me.
She knows where God is.”
You’re a stubborn little shit, ya know that?
He then proceeded to come up with contingency plans for if
he got stuck on the cloud alone. So far
it looks like he's either going to just jump off the cloud and come back down or he’s
going to ask a Superhero to come get him.
Now, as I’m sitting there trying to decide what my next move
in this great debate will be Grant pipes in with:
“What kind of box do they put you in?”
Oh, you heard that huh?
Let me know how those nightmares go.
Me: “Forget dying, choking isn’t much fun either. The tire gets stuck in your throat and then
you can’t breathe…and then you fall over…and then you die.”
And we’re back to the dying.
Carter: “I’ll just breathe out my nose then. And what if you die and you're already laying down? Do you still fall over?”
Hmmm, let me think of another way to put this…DON’T PUT
THINGS IN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!
Me: “Just don’t put things in your mouth. Can you just trust me on this one?”
Carter: “Well, Mama, I can’t trust you cause I’ve never seen
any of this happen.”
Is anyone still curious about the origins of my extreme wine
consumption? Anyone?
